i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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