So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
