woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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