pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
