wanna go halves on a baby?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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