Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
