Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Drake has all the answers
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
