Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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