if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
