normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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