She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
