Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
