Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
