The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
