My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
