Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
