I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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