he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
