i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
