Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
