did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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