Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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