there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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