Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
