Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
