So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
