hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
