sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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