Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this just has baby written all over it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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