My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
