There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
