Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
