I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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