you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
