never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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