ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
