you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
