just come out here and I will go home with you...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
