i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
