this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
