My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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