Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This is the high leading the old right now
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
