Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
