so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
