At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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