It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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