Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
