Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I need moral support for this bender
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When did angry sex become our thing?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
