i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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