The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
