Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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